Seeds of Clarity

Not long ago, I was talking with someone I met online. 

We discussed work, what I want to do, and what kind of job would make me feel fulfilled.

At some point, she asked me, “What do you really want?”

Such a simple question, yet hearing it stopped me completely.

I tried to answer, jumping between ideas, dreams, and possibilities, but never really answering her question.

She smiled softly and said, “You can talk about everything around it, but you can’t answer it directly, can you?”

And she was right.

That comment hit harder than I expected. 

It made me wonder why such a simple question felt so impossible to answer.

Since that conversation, her words have echoed in my head.

They follow me into quiet moments and nights when my thoughts get too loud.

I’ve started to realise something. 

I often struggle to answer myself honestly.

Sometimes I think I’m being truthful, but deep down it doesn’t feel right.

Like I’m saying what sounds right, not what’s real.

Maybe it’s because I’ve spent so long trying to be who I thought I should be that I forgot how to just be me.

When My Mind Changes Shape

It’s exhausting trying to figure out who you are when your own mind keeps changing.

Some days I feel sure and full of direction.

The next day, everything shifts. My feelings, focus, and dreams.

ADHD makes it hard to hold on to one version of myself.

The moment I start to understand who I am, something inside me moves again.

It’s confusing, wanting everything, yet never knowing what truly feels right.

When I Finally Understood

I thought that once my thoughts started to take shape, things would become clearer. 

Instead, I found more questions.

I’ve always felt things deeply. Joy that almost explodes out of me, and sadness that feels endless.

When I’m passionate, I throw myself into everything until I forget to breathe, and then I burn out.

For so long, I thought I was too much.

Too emotional, too inconsistent, too sensitive.

But that question, What do you really want?, made me look closer.

And I realised something important.

Most of what I’ve been fighting isn’t just me.

It’s my ADHD.

Understanding why I am this way led me somewhere unexpected, toward compassion, not frustration.

It made me realise that I’ve never really been lost — I’ve just been learning to listen differently.

Learning to Listen to Myself

Suddenly, things started to make sense.

The noise in my head.

The endless overthinking.

The bursts of energy and the crashes that follow.

The way I can care so deeply one day and feel empty the next.

It’s not weakness or failure.

It’s just a different kind of wiring, one that burns bright and fades fast.

For the first time, I don’t feel broken. 

I feel human.

Still misunderstood sometimes, still learning, but more aware than before.

Finding Balance in the Extremes

When I’m happy, I could explode with light.

When I’m sad, the world goes quiet.

There’s no middle. Just everything all at once.

But maybe that’s okay.

Maybe I don’t need all the answers right now.

Perhaps being honest begins with admitting that I don’t always know.

The Seed That Changed Everything

Because thoughts shape everything.

They become feelings, and those feelings shape our choices, which slowly build who we are.

If the mind is a garden, every thought is a seed.

Some grow wild.

Some fade.

And some take root so deep we forget they started as thoughts.

So maybe growth isn’t about changing who you are.

Maybe it’s about noticing which thoughts you keep watering and finally choosing the ones that make you feel alive.

Yours truly,

TankeHagen♡